are you ready for the honost truth? my biggest fear? I've been very honost with you guys (ok so I have one follower) but any way my biggest fear is this. I'll fall crazy in love with this guy he'll hold me love me for who i am and I would know every thing about him. then I tell him all my faults.....EVERYTHING! and he'll stay yepp he'll stay only becosue he feels like i depend on him to much to leave. or just as bad is that he would get really creaped out at the pastors kid he thought he fell in love with.... I know I would need a really patient guy to deal with me and all my faults. I know that those guys are out there that would fall in love with me. I'm not that selfish though. I know a guy who fell for me even if it was real love. would have to much to deal with, dateing is subposed to be fun. not filled with stupid drama. I have a guy friend who I know would take care of me if I let him. but as much as I want him as much as I want to be taken care of. to just be held and let mysef cry in his arms. and feel no shame but how selfish i would be to let him have any feelings for me when it's so clear that it would be a one sided friendship.
This guy I've stupidly fallen for is amazing he's on fire for God. he's amazing guitarist, he's a good lisener, gives amazing advice and lifts me up every time I'm down..... I've done nothing for him and he's done every thing for me. with out him i would never try. I wouldn't bother to try. I know God should be my reason to get better so that I can serve Him. but it's not which is why I'm fasting from friends for a week or so..... to show God that He's more important then friends.
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