I really need you right now! I don’t know why I feel this way... I just want to cry and cry and cry and to be held and comforted and to hear every little thing I need to hear. I have no reason to feel this way today was a good day. It was fun and filled with friends.
yet I really feel this need to just cry like a baby. I really wish jeremys room wasn’t so close to mine. I wish I still had the whole basement to myself God I really want I don’t really know what I just realy want some thing my heart is screaming for peace or some thing I don’t know what! Love maby? I don’t know but what I do know is God you need to show me what this feeling is!! I really want to be on fire for you. I want to be able to show your love to to every one. And the reason I’m not doing this is so stupid God!
It’s that when I start to act the way you desire for me to... my parents give me this look like “oh we knew you would come around” and it’s the most annoying thing to me!! this is my victory not theres!! Mine and yours but my parents get this look like we just stuck in there and are such good parents! BUT THERE NOT! I know there better then most. But they really just drive me nuts. Every time I hear them talking to there friends about how they stuck in there with Jeremy and telling other parents to do what they did it makes me want to scream!! They don’t know me at all! they know Johanna and they talk all the time! And they know Jeremy now to and he goes to them for advice. And my dad connects with William with all those science things. Winona and her drawing Austin and his lego and building blocks and stuff.
There all so much like my parents and even though most of the time they all hate my parents 80% of the time they still have 20% of the time were they get along and laugh and injoy each other. The stress between me and my parents are way to strong to even let our gaurds down or just a second. And really I don’t want to be around them any more I don’t want any thing to do with them any more nothing. I don’t want to see them hear from them nothing! But I do want some one not them but some one. I need some one to talk to who cares. Some one I can go to for advice. I haven’t had any one to take care of me for a long time. Even with my friends it’s hard to let my gaurd down. I try so hard at home not to show any emotions and when I’m with friends I just can’t make my self compleatly comfortable. God I just want to be me to just not care what people think.... I want some one to love me for who I am and not the person I conform to infront of them! God please please send me send me some one to take care of me. I’ll go crazy if I keep this up. God please send me someone I can lean on.
I honestly think I’lll have a melt down if some thing doesn’t change soon! God I need you so bad! I know you gave me these parents for a reason and you picked us out for each other. And them in my life will make me who I am. And who I’ll become but God please please just find me some were else to live even for a little bit. I need to hear an adult to say they love me care about me and will take care of me. and notice when I’m hurting and never ever be to busy for me. God please I’m hurting so much I’m so confused I’ve been fakeing happiness and sadness for so long some times I don’t know if I’m really upset of not. And it scares me! if I don’t understand me no one else ever will! God more then any thing I need an adult to feel comfortable around. Please God send me some one! All the people I have in my life right now ethier know my parents or wouldn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. I need an adult. My friends are great there amazing and thank you so much for giving me them. I would be so messed up with out them. but God I really do need you to send me an adult some one whos been thru this.
and won’t think I’m being stupid. Some one I won’t feel like I have to defend myself around. I won’t have to prove I’m tough and can take care of my self. Some one I won’t have to show I’m mature and responsible. Some one who will see me as the weak immature iresposible brat who wants some one to just hold her and tell her every things gona be ok. If my parents told me some thing like that I know I would just tell them to shut up... they have no idea what I’ve done or gone thru. What I’ve seen my friends go thru so how on earth could they tell me it’s gona be ok if they never knew what was wrong!! Thats like a blind and deff person telling me that the vase I just droped isn’t broken! That I’m not broken! I am so broken in a million peices I have no Idea how to glue myself together again! I don’t want to pick myself up again. God pick me up make me whole again!
I know that if you glue a vase back together it never looks the same.. and that’s ok I can be different from before I need to grow up but I just want to be whole! God please make me whole. I just feel like used damaged goods that all I’m good for now is warning other teens about the stuff I went into. Like printed paper no one needs me as what I was subposed to be the story on my printed paper. But to flipped over and scribbled on the back to say “to hear about a screw up and what not to do flip paper over”. Ok I might be a little sarcastic but who knows this could be the real me! who on earth is the real me!!??? I don’t even know how to be real to myself let alone others!! God this whole long letter is to tell you I need you to send me some one to take care of me. and that I need your help to find out who I really am.
yet I really feel this need to just cry like a baby. I really wish jeremys room wasn’t so close to mine. I wish I still had the whole basement to myself God I really want I don’t really know what I just realy want some thing my heart is screaming for peace or some thing I don’t know what! Love maby? I don’t know but what I do know is God you need to show me what this feeling is!! I really want to be on fire for you. I want to be able to show your love to to every one. And the reason I’m not doing this is so stupid God!
It’s that when I start to act the way you desire for me to... my parents give me this look like “oh we knew you would come around” and it’s the most annoying thing to me!! this is my victory not theres!! Mine and yours but my parents get this look like we just stuck in there and are such good parents! BUT THERE NOT! I know there better then most. But they really just drive me nuts. Every time I hear them talking to there friends about how they stuck in there with Jeremy and telling other parents to do what they did it makes me want to scream!! They don’t know me at all! they know Johanna and they talk all the time! And they know Jeremy now to and he goes to them for advice. And my dad connects with William with all those science things. Winona and her drawing Austin and his lego and building blocks and stuff.
There all so much like my parents and even though most of the time they all hate my parents 80% of the time they still have 20% of the time were they get along and laugh and injoy each other. The stress between me and my parents are way to strong to even let our gaurds down or just a second. And really I don’t want to be around them any more I don’t want any thing to do with them any more nothing. I don’t want to see them hear from them nothing! But I do want some one not them but some one. I need some one to talk to who cares. Some one I can go to for advice. I haven’t had any one to take care of me for a long time. Even with my friends it’s hard to let my gaurd down. I try so hard at home not to show any emotions and when I’m with friends I just can’t make my self compleatly comfortable. God I just want to be me to just not care what people think.... I want some one to love me for who I am and not the person I conform to infront of them! God please please send me send me some one to take care of me. I’ll go crazy if I keep this up. God please send me someone I can lean on.
I honestly think I’lll have a melt down if some thing doesn’t change soon! God I need you so bad! I know you gave me these parents for a reason and you picked us out for each other. And them in my life will make me who I am. And who I’ll become but God please please just find me some were else to live even for a little bit. I need to hear an adult to say they love me care about me and will take care of me. and notice when I’m hurting and never ever be to busy for me. God please I’m hurting so much I’m so confused I’ve been fakeing happiness and sadness for so long some times I don’t know if I’m really upset of not. And it scares me! if I don’t understand me no one else ever will! God more then any thing I need an adult to feel comfortable around. Please God send me some one! All the people I have in my life right now ethier know my parents or wouldn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. I need an adult. My friends are great there amazing and thank you so much for giving me them. I would be so messed up with out them. but God I really do need you to send me an adult some one whos been thru this.
and won’t think I’m being stupid. Some one I won’t feel like I have to defend myself around. I won’t have to prove I’m tough and can take care of my self. Some one I won’t have to show I’m mature and responsible. Some one who will see me as the weak immature iresposible brat who wants some one to just hold her and tell her every things gona be ok. If my parents told me some thing like that I know I would just tell them to shut up... they have no idea what I’ve done or gone thru. What I’ve seen my friends go thru so how on earth could they tell me it’s gona be ok if they never knew what was wrong!! Thats like a blind and deff person telling me that the vase I just droped isn’t broken! That I’m not broken! I am so broken in a million peices I have no Idea how to glue myself together again! I don’t want to pick myself up again. God pick me up make me whole again!
I know that if you glue a vase back together it never looks the same.. and that’s ok I can be different from before I need to grow up but I just want to be whole! God please make me whole. I just feel like used damaged goods that all I’m good for now is warning other teens about the stuff I went into. Like printed paper no one needs me as what I was subposed to be the story on my printed paper. But to flipped over and scribbled on the back to say “to hear about a screw up and what not to do flip paper over”. Ok I might be a little sarcastic but who knows this could be the real me! who on earth is the real me!!??? I don’t even know how to be real to myself let alone others!! God this whole long letter is to tell you I need you to send me some one to take care of me. and that I need your help to find out who I really am.
1 comment:
Nice
But note some points
Don't write in a single large paragraph, try to give proper spaces.
otherwise it is too difficult to read.
Choose some different template and decrease font size.
Post a Comment