you see this girl? the one in the pretty dress? yeah her, she's a fake. aphony a pethetic mess. she says she cuts becouse shes hurting. the truth is she cuts becouse she knows shes hurting and can handle that fine. but wants the whole world to know shes hurting to. she a fake. when she cuts her arm and the blood runs down her arm shes not thinking about the pain shes not thinking about the frusteration the anger the hurt shes thinking about how she will get the sympathy from her friends when she tells them she messed up! shes can handle the anger she doesn' need to cut. she cuts becouse she feels like she needs a reason to tell her friends why shes upset. being upset isn't enough on it's own she needs the scars on her arms to give her reason to be upset. She has no reason to be upset her parents are happily married her dads a fricken pastor her mom tryed to keep them away from the world and home schooled her. she never smoked never drank never ever did drugs. yet she had so much anger so much hate she didn't know how to tell people she was hurting. she felt like she had no reason to cry so she would make one up. she would give herself real pain so it would all make sence. so her body would feel what her heart did.
7 comments:
i can partially relate to this... except i don't cut for sympathy... i hate sympathy... i have anger issues, i have problems in school (yeah i'm homeschooled too), my dad's not a pastor though and my parents are happily married... i have younger siblings too! but i just don't seem to belong... my parents never have done anything illegal... i really don't know whats wrong with me..
Believe me, I totally know what that means. I know that attention and sympathy are addictive...and i still haven't been able to lose my longing for it!
I remember when I had ACCIDENTALLY cut my arm, and I went about telling everyone that I'd been cutting. then I liked the attention so much that I started cutting for real. It's hard to get rid of that habit...nice to know that there are others who feel that way too...
rukus thats exactly what i did I'm so glad t meet you. I thought i was some syco I mean who cuts there arms for attention right? but now it's so much more then that... It's feeling loved when my friends freakout about it. when randome strangers see it on the bus and know that I'm hurting...
I know...I mean, every time my friends say "Oh my God, you shouldn't have done that, promise never to do that again!" I feel, okay, now the world knows how sad i am!
I have practically no reason to be sad too...yeah, parents happily married, family absolutely fine...maybe a bit of a friends' problem, but nothing that will kill me...
yeah I know what you mean I'm super glad i found you :) honostly lol becouse I could swear i was crazy or some thing :P but at least now theres 2 crazy people :P jk but it's nice to know your not alone I am trying to quite the attention seeking just hasn't happened yet...
This is great. Do you know how great this is? How great it is that you can admit to yourself that you cut for sympathy - that you are faking it? WOW. Realizing the motivation behind what you are doing - seeing the hypocrisy - is the first step to getting better.
I personally know how hopeless you can begin to feel - my parents are happily married and I am homeschooled - and I used to be depressed. However, God loves you so much that He will always love you - even if you stop trying to find love by conforming yourself to an image of a 'cutter' to get attention/sympathy/love. God will love you always. And I am here, as a brother in Christ, to tell you that I love you enough to tell you:
you don't have to do this.
you are seen - people see you. God sees you.
you don't need to be scared that you aren't wonderful enough to be extraordinary without something like cutting to hide behind.
I know this seems impersonal - I mean, I don't really know you. But I know that we are both part of God's family, and I know that - if He chose you - then He chose you because you have something marvelous to give to His kingdom.
You are loved, and don't forget that.
- Your brother in Christ.
thank you soo much for being honost and to hear you care even if you don't know me it's been 4 weeks sence I've been wanting to becouse it's been a crappy few weeks but I know I need to just ignore it and get attention aother ways more healthy ways. I really want the feeling of being held and taken care of but it's not my friends job to take care of me I need to learn to take care of my self. but thanks agian fr being honost alot of people are like no you need to find the real reaon you cut cuz no one cuts for attention.
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