were like Coke and Pepsi were so the same yet people say were diffrent.

when I came to camp dating was way way out of the question.... I was here to work and be an example to the kids. i was here for God and to learn. But it seems God had more then that in mind....He broke me....I was done with life I told myself that by the end of the summer if i didn't feel like i mattered and unloved then i would end my life. I've had these sort of thoughts for years.... but never did any thing about it because I knew it would kill my family.... well God sent me some one. some one wonderful.
 
     I know for those who aren't Christians reading this, this will be hard to understand but I feel like God could be calling me to marry him one day. we both have things were working through so dating won't work for a while, but that God would let me meet him makes me very happy. to have some one you can be 100% real with is amazing. to have some one that cares about you is unbelievable. to have some one who's smart and funny and natural to be around. to have some one that having serious conversations with is natural and so is fooling around and "arguing" about whats better coke or Pepsi....


       He's an amazing guy who like me has over come so much. way more then I have. I know how selfish I sound because all I've said is how he makes me feel. but he is....very handsome and easy going... way more of a softie then he'll admit.... I usually don't notice looks like not at all! but he caught my eye. he gives me butterfly's every time I see him....other guys I've liked it all felt wrong....but being with him feels like every things perfect....or as  close to perfect as this world can get.


      when i went home for a week every one could tell i was so much happier then before...my campers are noticing my family is my friends are.....I am! but I still sound selfish don't I.... I'm not sure what it is about him that draws me in and makes me feel safe..... it could be that he's strong but I don't think so... I think a large part of it is were so alike in so many ways that it's hard for me to compliment him because I have a hard time liking the things about me...but I like them in him! i don`t know....he`s charming...and old fashioned....and a very smooth talker....he`s very real and I trust him. He`s very handsome....and likes to bug people....he makes me laugh so hard at the smallest things.... I still say stupid things ....I still fail at most things I try.... still can`t keep my temper....still suck at talking about how I feel.... I still fumble every sentence....still fumble things in general...I trip fall faint and still don`t feel stupid when I`m with him. I know again it`s about me...I don`t mean to make it that way...but that's just the best way I can explain how he makes me feel. and what I like about him.